The Canal Adventure That Almost Made Me a Water Hero (But Let's Be Real, No Thanks)

This summer, I had some wild adventures on my bike, but none quite as unforgettable as this one. It was a scorching Sunday afternoon, around 1.30PM, and the temperature had hit a brutal 110 degrees. I was out riding with my trusty external speaker, because, you know, I like to be aware of my surroundings (and a little music never hurts). The streets were empty, or so I thought.

As I rode along, something caught my eye- a tipped-over electric wheelchair. Not your run-of-the-mill item to stumble upon. At first, I thought, "That's odd." You see weird things left behind sometimes, but an electric wheelchair? My instincts started whispering, so I stopped and turned off the speaker.

And sure enough, I heard someone yelling for help.

I couldn't see anyone, but I started riding toward the voice. "Don't worry, I hear you! I'm coming!" I yelled back. The voice-let's call him Kylie-sounded relieved. "Oh, thank God" he said. And then I saw him. The poor guy was in the canal. In the water.

Now, I wanted to help, really, I did. But I wasn't about to jump into that nasty, murky canal. I mean, what could I really do in there? The canals are 80 feet wide and 16.5 feet deep and who knows what's lurking down there-rusty shopping carts? Gators? (Okay, maybe not gators, but still.) Plus, with my luck, I'd probably injure myself before I could even help him.

So, I called 911, hoping Kylie could stabilize himself as best as he could.

I could hear him swallowing water, which wasn't exactly encouraging. But I stayed calm, trying to talk him through it while sweating bullets under the unforgiving sun.

I must say, I was quite impressed with how I kept it together. While I was overheating. I couldn't help but feel a bit envious of Kylie being in the water-even if it was the nastiest water imaginable.

Living with a brain injury, it can be tough to recall exact locations, but thankfully, there was a rollercoaster nearby that I used as a landmark. I explained everything to the 911 dispatcher and I was truly impressed with how quickly the police and rescue crews arrived. They got there so fast, I didn't even have a chance to get Kylie's girlfriend on the phone!

When I finally got her on the line, I tried to stay calm and clear. But as expected, she panicked. I mean, who wouldn't freak out hearing that their loved one, who has muscular dystrophy, is stuck in a canal? I stayed with her, giving her a play-by-play" "They've got him on ropes... They're pulling him out... He's out of the water. He's out of the water. He's okay. He's okay." I kept repeating it, probably as much for my own sanity as for hers.

Now, by this point, I was absolutely overheating. So, I had a little Flashdance moment of my own. I grabbed the water I had with me and just... poured it over myself like the girl in Flashdance. Honestly, it was the only way I was going to make it through without becoming a heat casualty myself.

Finally, the rescue crew turned their attention to me, full of gratitude. I was dubbed a hero and apparently, I have some good karma coming my way. (Still waiting on that) I didn't see it as heroic, just the responsible and right thing to do.

Oh, and as for that "good karma"? Well, I was late getting home, which meant I got caught in a dust storm. I was almost blown into the canal myself and pelted with debris the whole ride back. Karma, you sly fox.

And then, just to top it all off, the power went out when I got home. So much for the good karma. Turns out, she's a hot and dusty bitch.

After the whole ordeal, I kept in touch with Kylie. Turns out, he lost this phone in the canal. But get this-he and his son went back with their pool skimmer, fished it out, and lo and behold, the phone still worked. It was an iPhone, by the way. Go Figure.